Bennie Wang, 2006, Singapore
In 2014, I conceived triplets through Intrauterine insemination (IUI) at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH). One of the biggest risks in carrying triplets is having complications resulting in the babies being born prematurely. A normal pregnancy lasts 40 weeks while the average length of a pregnancy for triplets is 32 weeks. However, when I was about 24 weeks pregnant, I started experiencing light bleeding. My husband, Tim immediately rushed me to the hospital, and I was admitted to the labour ward to be monitored closely. That night, there was massive bleeding, and I was wheeled into the delivery ward immediately.
After many hours, the babies were delivered on Dec 2014 and transferred to the newborn intensive care unit (NICU). The first 72 hours were critical; if they were able to pull through, they would stand a higher chance of survival. Unfortunately, due to complications, two of my babies passed on within the first 48 hours. Our hearts were broken into a million pieces and although we were grieving the loss, we knew the next 24 hours were critical for our third baby who was still fighting for his life. As impossible as it was, we shook away every fear and negative thoughts and prayed to God for our little one. By God’s grace, Dillon, the smallest, weighing 670grams, survived!
Due to a congenital heart defect (Patent ductus arteriosus, or PDA), which is common in premature babies, Dillon had to undergo three surgeries. He was finally discharged on 17 March 2015, weighing slightly over 2kg. Aside from his weekly check-ups at KKH, we also had to meet with the paediatrician, dietician, and so on. As a preterm baby, Dillon’s physical, cognitive, socio-emotional, speech and language development was weaker. He was only able to flip over at 17 months, sit up unassisted at 19 months and walk a few steps independently at 30 months; he did not start to speak until he was 42 months.
Over the years, we enrolled him for multiple therapies in KKH, AWWA Early Intervention Centre, kids’ gym classes for physiotherapy, as well as occupational and speech therapy. We were thankful to God for the significant improvement in his condition.
We deferred Dillon’s enrolment into primary school for a year. During the psychology test in 2021, the results showed that Dillon’s development was likened to a 5-year-old child (although he was almost 7 years old. As his prognosis was a general diagnosis of Gross Development Delay (GDD), he did not qualify for a school for children with special needs. We had the option to defer his primary school enrolment for yet another year; however, after much discussion, Tim and I have decided not to defer him for another year. Come what may, we were prepared to journey with Dillon and as a family, we would be his pillar of support. It was mentally tiring, but we kept going because in our heart and mind, even if Dillon was imperfect, he was a perfect gift from God.
To prepare Dillon mentally and emotionally, we showed him the school and conditioned his heart many months prior to his first day of school. However, he would have a meltdown the moment we asked him to try his uniform. We knew that deep down in his heart; he was very afraid. Tim and I started praying that he would encounter kind teachers and helpful friends.
Dillon started Primary one this year and we are so proud of how brave and resilient he has been. From day one, he would turn up for school ready—despite having difficulties such as walking down staircases and hooking the buckle of his shorts, to name a few. He spoke very little in school as his articulation is not as clear and he needed more time to process his thoughts. Teachers say he is attentive in class and tries his best to keep up.
Daddy would start the day praying with Dillon as they travel to school, declaring Bible verses over him everyday, and praying for acceleration of growth—physically, cognitively, mentally and emotionally—and that he would have lots of favour with his teachers and classmates. We look forward to the end of 40 weeks (4 terms) of praying, and we will keep believing for miracles.
Bennie (far left), Darlene, Tim with the two boys, Darrius and Dillion (far right)
Even though my first pregnancy was a painful one, Tim and I really love children. In February 2016, Darlene was born and in November 2017, we had Darrius. And both of them have been Dillon’s cheerleaders, accompanying him when he goes for his therapy session.
I’m always asking myself how I can do better. Questions like—are our decisions the best for the kids? Am I spending enough time with my husband? Are we being fair to the two younger kids when Dillon demands so much of our time? How do I balance looking after the family and handling the chores? Instead of having fun, the younger kids would be following us to therapy sessions and practices; is this fair for them? Our life revolves around Dillon and it can get frustrating when he cannot articulate his needs to us. When these thoughts and questions flood my mind and the feeling of guilt comes, I’ve learnt to tell myself that I’m the best mother to my kids and that God has anointed me to be their mother.
I have learnt to practice praying throughout the day, in all decisions big or small, be it planning my day or even meal prep. I pray and commit my plans to God and wait on Him. Whenever I feel frustrated or overwhelmed, I would connect with parents of special needs children. I would ask questions, get recommendations for therapies and listen to their experiences.
We also make conscious effort to tell Dillon daily that we love him, giving thanks to God for how far he has come. I’m still learning to schedule my day more efficiently. We also consciously make time for each child and for each other as husband and wife.
My prayer is that I will have wisdom and patience in helping Dillon develop his full potential of who God created him to be. One advice I would give is to engage the kid meaningfully and give him or her room to develop. And if early intervention is necessary, seek professional help.
In this journey, I’ve had so much fears but 1 John 4:18 says perfect love casts out fear. Father God loves our children perfectly and He will take care of him. I believe God has given me a special grace to care for my special child.