Jasmine Kon, 2006, Singapore
I grew up in a Christian family and attended church on a regular basis. Despite the Christian environment I was in, I struggled with low self-esteem and insecurity. Having an older brother who did well in school, and a younger sister who is well loved by many, I developed a middle-child syndrome. It did not help that I was teased incessantly by my relatives and schoolmates for my nerdy appearance. I often longed to be loved and accepted.
In my first year of secondary school, I was excited and looked forward to making friends. To be accepted by others, I thought I needed to dress, speak and behave in a certain way. However, all of these backfired. For some reason, I caught the eye of the popular group in school that decided to target and pick on. They spread false rumours about me, causing many of my schoolmates to either shun me or join them in picking on me. Left wounded and betrayed, I developed a dread in going to school and often ran into hiding just to avoid being bullied. On many occasions, I was slapped, called all sorts of names, had my bag slashed, my books flushed in the toilet; and the list goes on. To fill the emptiness and loneliness in my heart, I turned to relationships that ended up leaving me more broken than before. As a result, I plunged into depression and became bitter towards people and towards life. I even made an inner vow that I would never trust men ever again, and I will not allow myself to cry as it is a sign of weakness. Because of this, I became emotionally shut down and no longer smiled. As a way of escape, I contemplated suicide, turned to vices and tried to run away from home.
I first came to know about City Harvest Church in January 1998, when my parents saw how my brother’s life was changed after he had joined the church. They encouraged me to attend CHC as well. I was taken by surprise when I first stepped into CHC. People were excited, met up in cell groups, queued up early and dressed their best for the house of God. There was warmth all around the atmosphere and the presence of God was tangible. For a while, I started going to church, but unable to let go of my insecurities, I continued living a double life. Though I faithfully attended cell group and service, I did not surrender my life and my heart 100% to God. I plunged deeper into depression and wanted to stop attending church. I was ashamed and felt my life was no better than a non-believer.
Then one weekend, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and urged me to go to church. It was a struggle for me to drag myself, but I went for the service anyway. I told myself that this was the last time I’d go to church. Little did I know that God had other plans for me.
During service, Pastor Kong preached from 1 Corinthians 6. He shared that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that we were bought with a great price; and therefore, we needed to honour God with our body. Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I felt the tangible love of Abba Father embracing me as His daughter. It felt so warm and comforting—something I have not experienced before. I was so touched that I cried uncontrollably and realised that I could no longer hide my sins and weaknesses from Him. It was as if the Lord unlocked my heart, broke the vows that I made, and all of my anger and sorrow poured out before Him. That day, I repented and rededicated my life to the Lord. After the prayer, God spoke to my heart, reminding me of His unconditional love.
Though the Lord touched me and asked me if I could trust Him and His plan to heal and restore me, I was so bold as to strike a deal with Him—I told God that He had one year to fulfil His promise to heal and restore me. Trust was a very hard thing for me, so if it did not not come to pass, I would never stepped back to church again.
To my amazement, He agreed. However, I had to keep my end of the bargain, which was to consecrate my heart, be serious in my walk with Him, giving Him my 100%. I worked hard on my part—I was present in my quiet time with Him, received discipleship, attended cell group faithfully, served in ministry to help me in my spiritual growth and more. But God was true to His Word. Within that year, He restored my life. My studies improved, my relationship with my family was restored and God brought genuine friends into my life. Most importantly, I got back joy and purpose for my life!
Jasmine Kon (right) with her SOT teammates
2006 was a special year for me. Not only did I turn 21, I became a cell group leader and enrolled into the School of Theology, to equip myself as a believer. I begged my parents to let me delay my enrolment to the university so that I could go to Bible School. To my surprise, they were very supportive and decided to help me out financially! God is so good. My SOT is another story altogether, but in short, I learned and grew so much in my faith, character and values. I strongly recommend anyone who hasn’t gone to SOT, to consider enrolling. It is a decision that you will not regret, despite the sacrifices you may face.
Today, I am actively serving as a full-time staff and a youth leader, overseeing 25 youths.
Jasmine (left) with her cell group members
If not for the Lord’s divine intervention that weekend, I would not be here today. All glory to God!